


Extracurricular Activities

by samariumwriting



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:07:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22259206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samariumwriting/pseuds/samariumwriting
Summary: The Golden Deer have a prank war. Chaos, naturally, ensues.-It was, frankly, alarming to watch. They hadn’t realised quite how brutal their students could be until they’d seen this. Lorenz abandoning his noble pretences to get one over Claude (why he’d thought that Claude would be particularly bothered by a bucket of frogs on his desk was another matter, but he’d tried), Marianne quietly erasing and rewriting all the names on the chore rota.
Relationships: Golden Deer Students & My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 5
Kudos: 68
Collections: samariumwriting's Invincible Zine Server fics





	Extracurricular Activities

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second of two pieces for the Invincible Zine Server's Ancient Problems zine, featuring FE characters interacting with modern objects! I'm not usually one for writing humour but this...happened.

Byleth wasn’t entirely sure what had caused the start of this ‘prank war’, but it was decidedly disrupting their teaching. Every morning was spent collecting various foul-scented objects from desks, and every afternoon was spent waiting in anticipation of something breaking or something falling from the ceiling.

It was, frankly, alarming to watch. They hadn’t realised quite how brutal their students could be until they’d seen this. Lorenz abandoning his noble pretences to get one over Claude (why he’d thought that Claude would be particularly bothered by a bucket of frogs on his desk was another matter, but he’d tried), Marianne quietly erasing and rewriting all the names on the chore rota.

And sure, it had stopped escalating (Byleth had put their foot down when they’d confiscated not one but three knives that had been fixed to Leonie’s chair), but it was still annoying. They were meant to be teaching these students, but learning about the intricacies of battalion management was on exactly no one’s mind.

This was perhaps clearest to them when they took in a group of tests, only to see that the back of Lysithea’s (which she had, of course, finished early and with a very high score) was covered in diagrams of what looked like an intricate action plan involving food, cats, ladders, and the bedrooms on the upper floor of the dormitories.

Byleth decided to inform the person in charge of supervising the students that night that this was going on. It was only fair, and it would probably result in slightly fewer frazzled students the following morning.

Despite how annoying it was, and how much it kept causing an inconvenience to everyone, Byleth didn’t have the heart to stop them. They were being creative, having fun, bonding over all the time they had to spend cleaning it up (because there was no way in Ailell Byleth was making Cyril clean up three buckets full of mud).

It was sweet, in a way, watching them do it. They were all a lot closer than they’d been before this started. They weren’t exactly kinder to each other, but they were close in a different way. Maybe they didn’t smile gently or spend lots of time on afternoon walks or anything quaint like that, but they laughed together, schemed together.

Byleth wouldn’t have their Golden Deer any other way. And hey, it wasn’t like the activities were a huge problem. It only gave their students more to do and made their job just the tiniest bit harder when it came to actual prescribed content; it didn’t affect them at all.

At least, until it did.

It was a normal day. Byleth confiscated a very sticky grey substance from Hilda mere moments before she poured it into a bottle of what was presumably Ignatz’s shampoo. Before the lessons for the day started, they called Raphael and Lysithea away from a coin that had been stuck to the ground (Raphael had tried brute force before calling Lysithea over; she was trying to extract it with a magnet).

During the morning lessons, everything was interrupted when it turned out that everyone in the room bar Flayn had the wrong textbooks on their desks. Byleth had thought that Flayn was above these activities, but on seeing the way she laughed until tears formed in her eyes, they decided not to say anything about it.

The rest of the morning passed peacefully, which was usual. Lunch, too, was normal, which was vaguely concerning but not damning. They would just have to keep a lookout for anything going on that afternoon and evening.

So, eyes alert and ready for anything going on. They started the afternoon lesson, beginning with a lecture to give everyone a run down of their task, handed out the papers everyone needed, and then they moved to take a seat for a short while before someone inevitably asked a question or needed their help.

They sat down in the unusually relatively quiet classroom, and a long, loud sound filled the room. A high squeak, almost, that sounded uncomfortably as if someone was breaking wind.

Byleth frowned. The room remained alarmingly quiet as the last few squeaks faded away. When they looked up, everyone’s faces were twisted into practised neutral looks. Hilda’s shoulders were shaking slightly with repressed laughter. They stood up.

Below the cushion that was normally on their seat, the offending object sat, now limp and deflated. It was bright orange, covered in a checkered pattern, and had a small opening in the side. Carefully, with a smile plastered on their face, they blew into the object (which was made out of a material unlike any other they’d ever felt) and, with every single pair of eyes fixed solely on them, Byleth slowly and deliberately sat down on the object again without a word.

This time, the culprit didn’t quite manage to stay quiet. “Okay, okay, Teach,” Claude, now practically doubled over with laughter in his seat, said. “It was me. I broke the sacred boundary, I included you in the war. Please spare me.”

They could probably put their foot down here, tell Claude and the rest of the class that this was a place of learning, but having seen the way that their students enjoyed themselves so much over this...they didn’t think they could. “I hope you’re ready for the consequences,” they said, keeping their tone as light as possible. They tucked the cushion into their desk drawer for safe keeping.

In the ensuing chaos, prank wars, and particularly the item that had come to be known as the ‘whoopee cushion’, were banned within the week (Byleth couldn’t blame them - placing it in Seteth’s office chair was perhaps too much). It was a fun week, though.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! :) if you enjoyed, pls consider leaving a comment. You can also check me out on [twitter](https://twitter.com/samariumwriting), or you can check the (free) zine that this is a part of out [here](https://twitter.com/InvincibleZine/status/1215053460397273090?s=20).


End file.
